Market Surfer Gifts

"Dow's up!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

TV-Man

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Baby on board.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"You've got computer-breath."

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

How I met your mother

'Sure, sure - I'm having a great vacation.'

'Daddy is going off to stimulate the economy by making gobs of money.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

Remote control wars.

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!