Grocery Surfers Gifts

Superfoods are in aisle three.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

TV-Man

Multi-Generational Books

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

How I met your mother

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Daddy is going off to stimulate the economy by making gobs of money.'

"Dow's up!"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Remote control wars.

Friendly bacteria

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

Internet Restaurant

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

The wetsuit preferred by 9 out of 10 executive windsurfers.

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

'500 channels...surely there must be something worth watching.'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'