Shelf Surfer Gifts

Man browses self-loathing books.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Multi-Generational Books

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

TV-Man

"You've got computer-breath."

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

How I met your mother

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

'Sure, sure - I'm having a great vacation.'

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

"Dow's up!"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Remote control wars.

Surfing kangaroo #1 Hawaiian shirt.

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Mysteries.

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

'No surf?'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!