Market Manipulator Gifts

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

'No, he doesn't talk dirty but he was owned by a broker and he gives insider trading tips.'

"I'm a dynamic pricing consultant."

'Regarding those figures about your portfolio doubling in size in two months, I can get back to you in three to five years.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

The president's men

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Opening the door to new customers

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"That was a rumor day."

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel."

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'The Bear' pub, changed to 'The Bull.'

That was either an earth tremor or the economy moved up a gear.

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

In case of stock market crash break glass.