Market Monger Gifts

"Just remember...the share market is cyclical."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

The president's men

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

Business is off the chart.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Opening the door to new customers

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

Larry's Literary Market

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'

The bailout.

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"And these soya beans were engineered using Human DNA."

'Of course, for me, Christmas has a deeply felt religious significance! The stock exchange is my church...!

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

Stock market ups and downs.

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Sales are down. We tried to make the latest version, of our best selling software, foolproof. Apparently, someone was making better fools.'

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

The Return of Guarded Optimism