Market Monger Gifts

"Just remember...the share market is cyclical."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

The president's men

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Opening the door to new customers

Business is off the chart.

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

Larry's Literary Market

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'

The bailout.

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"And these soya beans were engineered using Human DNA."

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Stock market ups and downs.

'Of course, for me, Christmas has a deeply felt religious significance! The stock exchange is my church...!

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'Sales are down. We tried to make the latest version, of our best selling software, foolproof. Apparently, someone was making better fools.'

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

The Return of Guarded Optimism