Market Leadership Gifts

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Robot Parts $5

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

The president's men

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Leadership in the Covid-19 Era

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

Satya Nutella

CEO du Jour

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'In my rise to the tip I was always aware of a higher power - now I feel I'm ready to take it on.'

A balloon seller is selling thought bubble balloons

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'