Industry Leader Gifts

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Leadership in the Covid-19 Era

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

CEO du Jour

Satya Nutella

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'In my rise to the tip I was always aware of a higher power - now I feel I'm ready to take it on.'

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'