Market Buffs Gifts

"Why cull us when we could be retrained?"

The day the stock market went UP.

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Wall Street Couch

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

Why markets crash.

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Jumping Wall Street.

Standard & Poor

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

Larry's Literary Market

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

'Money, I'm home!'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Take me to your leader. . .

"Grandma's TV is so old it wasn't made in a foreign country."

"I told you everyone would come as a bull or a bear..."

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

I am billing, therefore I am.

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'