Marine Munchers Gifts

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

A sailor in his little yacht bobbing on the waves

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'You know, I could really go for a wafer-thin mint.'

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"They're sound bites."

'Any more napkins, Hon? Annie's got cone leakage.'

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

Theater Usher Moms.

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

"Of course, he always says it's not fit for consumption. He's a foodie."

'You see these things, you don't bite them, you suck them out...'

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

'Hello, Room Service? Send up the works!'

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

"I can't...I mustn't...I shouldn't...I needn't....but I will."

'You've come at a bad time. He's in but he hasn't had his muffin and coffee yet.'

'Whoa! Our waiter's online and you should see what he's saying about your tip!'

'It's one of your five a day.'

Man eating 'after work mints'

The time has come for the revenge of the cows.

"It appears it's middle was licked out."

"With a heart I have to worry about cholesterol."

I was eating my muffin and drinking my latte when I noticed the tv on your wall is only 1080p resolution. That's right. So you admit it! Your tv is not an 8k UHD television! And yet your sign outside says "good eats and state of the art tech inside." That's false advertising. I might be willing to forgo the class action lawsuit and settle out of court. I'd settle for a 1080p tv. Get out.

'Let's get these bite-size snacks to have with our bite-size news.'

'C'mon, Bill, LOOK at the evidence! A fabulous home-made crust, fresh apples, raisins, gourmet vanilla ice cream, and no sign of a struggle. This guy was definitely killed by kindness!'

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

Sorry, boss, I do care if I ever get back