Marathon Jokester Gifts

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Annual 10K Fun Run

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

Some card-game puns

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

"I've got writer's block."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."