Workout Jokester Gifts

"Just shoot me if I ever take up power walking."

"Since I've been coming here, I've lost pounds. £150 to be exact!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"I hate this time of year."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

Please seat to be weighted.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"