Marathon Humorist Gifts

"I don't think I can make the finish line, so I'm going back!"

Caution.

After 10 years, the great potato race of 1997 was finally declared a tie.

I finish last in every marathon --- I'm a long-running joke!

There's no way I could glide that many inches. 26.2.

1. Iran... 2. Iraqed.

Henry followed the dress code at inappropriate times.

'And here come the fun runners.'

Although it wears very well, the Holland Running Shoe is not a favorite among marathon runners.

'Your shoe's untied.'

Pete Sampras

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Carrot in front of the donkey workout.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

Football Violence

'Fred, didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?'

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1,273,426 steps."

10 reasons why cricket is not a real sport.

'Think Basics.'

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

I add 1,000 steps every day just going back to my car to get the mask I was supposed to put on."

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'

"You could do with some weight training."

Crash Test Dummy's Running Machine

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

'Wow, that's the worst case of tennis elbow I've seen this year!'