Managerial Irony Buff Gifts

"You know, Baldo, I started moving up in the world when I realized my boss is really bad at what he does."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Water company bonus.

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

I've started a management course. Whattda they teach? Today we did blame shifting.

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'He installed it to counter the ease with which people are granted access into his office.'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'Sounds like Chuck's over-delegating again.'

"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

Corporate Coaching Management Training.

"Right we're agreed on increasing workloads and cutting resources in addition to selective light off of personnel. . . Next item, staff morale."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"There is no 'I' in 'leadership'. . . but there is and 'I' in 'DO what I tell you or you can pack your bags and get out!'"

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'I'm promoting you to Executive VP of sucking up.'

Fenderson really knows how to pick his battles.

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.