Mall Map Reader Gifts

Man looking at poster making fun of him for being lost.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

You Are Here

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Here be dragons.

Meet the Enemy

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Having been born with a birthmark that looks exactly like Asia and the Mideast, Russell was able to ace the geography portion of the SATs.

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

"Well what does the GPS say?"

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Prostate: 51st State

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"According to the map, we should be nearing the North Pole, but something tells me we’ve been reading the map upside down."

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'Great job Zork, we're lost... you couldn't find Uranus with both hands and a flashlight!'

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

Can I have a look at the map?

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'Globalsiation risky? How d'you mean?'

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'