Mall Goer Gifts

Santa's Broke.

Santa Claus on escalator.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

High security Santa's grotto

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"I shop, therefore I am."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Island of Lost Guys.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Customer Convention

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"Another nosebleed?!"

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

Mall of ages

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'