Mall Goer T-Shirts

Santa's Broke.

Santa Claus on escalator.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

High security Santa's grotto

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Customer Convention

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Island of Lost Guys.

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

"Another nosebleed?!"

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

Mall of ages

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'