Mall Loiterer T-Shirts

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Island of Lost Guys.

Customer Convention

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Truth section in library "I'm sorry sir, there's just no demand for it these days."

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Hunter-Gatherers, North America, Late 20th Century

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

"My husband's suing me for mall practice."

New Mall