Mall Goers T-Shirts

"I can't find anything on line. I'm going to the mall."

High security Santa's grotto

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Customer Convention

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Island of Lost Guys.

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

'Do you have a pet store in this mall?' 'Oh, no! I like them all!'

Americana Mall

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Hunter-Gatherers, North America, Late 20th Century

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

Walmart vs. Target.

"My husband's suing me for mall practice."