Mall Wanderer Gifts

Directory: You are here. You should be here.

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'We'd like to tour the great malls of China!'

'Hello, 911? I'm trapped on a broken escalator!'

"Do you need an attorney, little boy?"

Lost and Found sign: 'Out to Find.'

Hillbilly mall maps.

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'The mountain top was good to me, but at my age I like working indoors.'

'...You can lead a man to the mall, but you can't make him shop.'

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'I've been walking around this store for two hours and still can't find my wife. It's great.'

You were here.

'It's from your wife. She says she went shopping until after the football season.'

"Maybe I should meet people at the mall in future"

Milfred enjoyed standing in the middle of shopping malls and being a love directory.

'Excuse me, Miss, which floor would I find dull pullovers on?'

'Don't worry, Mr. Scott, we'lll find your wife. We're checking all the malls now.'

"Well, it's up the escalator, on that second floor, you take a left at men's wear, go past the fabric store."

Man in a mall see a sign getting into the men washroom.

"You have your national pastime and we girls have ours!"

"Attention, shoppers. We have another lost husband at the customer service counter."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Mall Information

"You're more than just a customer to me; you're a credit card delivery device."

"Hold up! I think that's one of their mannequins."

"My husband's suing me for mall practice."

An absence of shop assistants

"This, my only hit record, was written to help me get over a bad breakup. But I'm told that it has also helped move a fair amount of wrinkle-free, flat-front khakis down at the mall."

Mall Talk

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Hunter-Gatherers, North America, Late 20th Century