Male Grooming Guru Pillows

A hairless man

A man with long beard is looking at Beard Monthly magazine which has a long centerfold featuring a long beard.

'I didn't like my moustache at first. Then it grew on me.'

'I wonder if we can retrain your beard.'

'I have a proceeding hairline. It runs in my family. . .'

'Stan's not bald - He's dyslexic and keeps shaving the wrong end of his head.'

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

"Beats me if he's complying with our necktie rule - I don't even know if he's wearing pants."

Hipster Ventriloquist Convention

Shaving off a beard

"Some gum."

"And it was here that we reached peak beard."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Lesser known greek gods,

Rapunzel in the Morning

Bathing the dog

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

Movember

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'