Magnification Maestro Gifts

'If you increase the magnification another million times you can see the safety regulations.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Kirsten Johnson

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Hollywood producer.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

The Four Tops in Concert

New Fads For The Handlebar Mustache

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'Oh, I dunno. hat would you like to evolve into?'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"Bacteria are fascinating. They multiply by dividing."

Two men discussing thier moustaches

"Kind of makes your feel large and significant, doesn't it?"

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

Recording Studio

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Some 'King'. They didn't even give me an N95."

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"

Tom Waits.

Someone being taught how to conduct an orchestra.