Magnification Maestro Pillows

'If you increase the magnification another million times you can see the safety regulations.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

Kirsten Johnson

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Hollywood producer.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

New Fads For The Handlebar Mustache

The Four Tops in Concert

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

'Oh, I dunno. hat would you like to evolve into?'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"Bacteria are fascinating. They multiply by dividing."

Two men discussing thier moustaches

"Kind of makes your feel large and significant, doesn't it?"

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

"Some 'King'. They didn't even give me an N95."

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"

Recording Studio

Tom Waits.

Setbacks in the development of the rubber mallet.