Magic Meal Maker T-Shirts

I thought this year we'd do soup and salad.

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Domestic Goddess.

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'..and one for the pot.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'This is taking forever. We should've just microwaved it.'