Mock Meal Maker T-Shirts

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"States of tofu"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'New Barbeque.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"We pay the living dead wage."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

Murder trials at the criminal court shown as a theatrical show

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

"Here's our everything's included meal kit. How do they stuff a cook and dishwasher in there?"

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

I thought this year we'd do soup and salad.

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

These scramble eggs are a tad crunchy. Did you leave the shells on again, Darling?

"Quick, get it while its molecules are still vibrating."

'You should have read the cookery book for teenagers. It's pretty short: 'Take the food off the package before you microwave it'.'

'Now I can see why our son's roommates won't let him cook.'

'No wonder these are bland...they're toys!'

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

'There's a worm on my plate.' 'That's a sausage.'

'Faux-horse beef for me, faux-beef horse for the wife.'

"Worlds are colliding. This is plant-based Spam."

"Wait! I know the answer!"

'And bang a few pots around. I like to pretend you won't just pull it out of the freezer and throw it in the microwave.'

"Our deluxe meal kit delivery service is only $20 more per month, and he'll even do the dishes."

Hello Spell

Cryogenic Cookery