Lyric Humorist Gifts

'Give me that old soft shoe, nothing else will do, in a size nine, please...'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Puss in cement boots"

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."