Lyric Humorist T-Shirts

'Give me that old soft shoe, nothing else will do, in a size nine, please...'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Puss in cement boots"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Radiator jazz player

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'