Lyric Detective Gifts

"What makes you so sure that it's an eagles nest anyway?"

Ask Sadie. Go ahead. I think I know the lyric to Louie Louie. Lyric? Right. The song sounds like it includes the word girl. We're looking for lyrics plural! Um, does it include pickle?

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

'Turns out it was J K Rowling, in the drawing room, with a laptop.'

The evidence destroyed

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

We never roam anymore.

Bibliomaniac

RIP William Shakespeare: To be or not to be...

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Fiction. Mystery. History.

"It's a 12 inch chess board - the game's a foot."

Mysteries.

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

Deconstructionist girlfriend

Shakespeare or Bacon or maybe Marlowe.

'Yes, I know the Beatles said 'all you need is love,' but they also said 'just give me money.''

Locking Up Crime

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

Major Bagstock is delighted to have that oppertunity