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"What makes you so sure that it's an eagles nest anyway?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

The evidence destroyed

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

Mysteries.

RIP William Shakespeare: To be or not to be...

Bibliomaniac

"It's a 12 inch chess board - the game's a foot."

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

Deconstructionist girlfriend

Shakespeare or Bacon or maybe Marlowe.

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

Locking Up Crime

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

Major Bagstock is delighted to have that oppertunity

Mystery and suspense at the library.

"That book is kept downstairs in the Big Secret Important Book Room."