Lunch Planner Gifts

"Here we see the size of your portion, choice of toppings and cost per slice. If we're in agreement, I'll place the order."

Tartine

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Like death by salad.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"No thanks, I brought my lunch."

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Expense account or regular?"

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Behind Every Stupid Man

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"No, you didn't hear the soft rustle of a sandwich wrapper!"

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"This means that dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich."

"I brought my lunch."