Lunch Planner Pillows

"Here we see the size of your portion, choice of toppings and cost per slice. If we're in agreement, I'll place the order."

Tartine

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Like death by salad.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"No thanks, I brought my lunch."

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

"Expense account or regular?"

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

Behind Every Stupid Man

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'How does pizza for dinner sound to you?'

"No, you didn't hear the soft rustle of a sandwich wrapper!"

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"I brought my lunch."

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"This means that dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'