Menu Planner Pillows

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'Like death by salad.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Kiddies Menu for Witches

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

The ecumenical dinner party.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'How does pizza for dinner sound to you?'

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"Here we see the size of your portion, choice of toppings and cost per slice. If we're in agreement, I'll place the order."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'