Lucky Loser Gifts

"Don't you think I should at least get a no-claims bonus?.. None of my horses have ever won!"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'I say we try it.'

The Best Laid Plans

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

"So this is where it all ends up. . ."

"Wow, fishing sure is fun. I can't believe I caught such a big fish my first time out."

"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"

"He couldn't sink that last putt, so now he's trying to drown it."

'Could someone just tell me if I win anything?'

"Have I told you about the time I buried my head in the sand and struck oil?"

'It just hasn't been my day.'

'Checkmate!'

'Sorry, this machine only takes small bills.'

'This day goes from bad to worse.'

'Dude, it looks like I have the rest of the evening off work, so I'll be able to go to the basketball game after all!'

The Beginning of One of Those Days

'This could get tricky, sir -- a Bosnian separatist group has your luggage.'

'Me too. I've lost 25 pounds. Sadly not in weight, just in wasted, unused membership fee!'

Clover Bar

"Finally a bit of good luck..."

'I got it for potty training.'

For cryin' out loud What are the chances that all six tires blow at once,

'Talk about irony. His foam dice rolled a lucky seven.'

"I won't be able to do any work today because I forgot to wear my special accounting socks."

"Sid, is there anyone we can contact for you?"

'What a day. My girlfriend left me, and my dog died. My only consolation is that it can't get any worse!'

Annual 10k run of bad luck.