Bad Luck Survivor Gifts

'It just hasn't been my day.'

Message in a bottle breaks on a rock.

'This day goes from bad to worse.'

Clancy: Coot of a Day

"Of all the hundreds of islands I could get washed up on, I get to land on Hell's Island."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

The Best Laid Plans

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'We're in a hurry.'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

Tennis Player Receives Unwanted Advice on the Tennis Court of Public Opinion.

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

"You have a giant rip in your pants."

Adam and Eve tempted by apple in hazmat suits.

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"This Thanksgiving, we're going to serve whatever we can get from the food bank."

"That's just great! The boat sank and it's hide tide. What else could go wrong?!"

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

'Oh yes. It's mentioned here, under side-effects.'

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

In the embarrassment cemetery

2042

"Poor Zachary. A meteorite squashed his swing set."

'Oh, sorry. I guess I forgot to mention we're going to a nudist resort.' (Another memorable first date for Jennifer.)

The beer-proof beret!

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

The Beginning of One of Those Days

'And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps these red ones are going to give you,'