Luckless Sports Strategist Gifts

'Sometimes you just can't win.', 'Win, nothing -- I can't even beat the point spread!'

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

The Other Cooperstown

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"I love fast break business success."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

'Are you blind ref?'

Snail Coach

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

'I hate PowerPoint.'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'