Quirky Sports Strategist Gifts

"Most unusual stance: lefty batting backwards."

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

The Other Cooperstown

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

Boomerang cow.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"I love fast break business success."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

'Are you blind ref?'

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

'...and if you guys keep screwing up, I'm gonna have to start kicking some butt!'

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'