Luckless Sports Strategist Pillows

'Sometimes you just can't win.', 'Win, nothing -- I can't even beat the point spread!'

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Perils of the double play.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

The Other Cooperstown

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"I love fast break business success."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'...and if you guys keep screwing up, I'm gonna have to start kicking some butt!'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Snail Coach

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'

'Are you blind ref?'

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

'I hate PowerPoint.'

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'