Loyalty Program Skeptic Gifts

Do you have a loyalty card? - 'No.' - 'So you admit that you are disloyal?' - 'Errr...' - 'Why should I serve you, traitor?!!' - 'I just want my sandwich.' - '*Sob*' -

Others will fight for you

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

'Fetching your slippers when you were chairman of the board was one thing, but now that you're an ordinary citizen...'

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

'And how many frequent flyer miles do you have?'

'Of course I have your loyalty card - Can you tell me which one it is?'

A hunter has a dream that his dog has brought a game warden to punish him.

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

Punch Card: 'The next divorce is on me.'

'It's not exactly 'cheap' healthcare, but for each test we run, you accumulate frequent-test reward points.'

STRIP *The Fan * Thinking of ditching Coventry City

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

'How do you think my appeal for loyalty went?'

"Are you a platinum card member?"

'My wife's left me for a man with more Nectar points...'

"I'm beginning to wonder if McDonald and his dog were quite as close as we were led to believe."

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

The key to a successful customer loyalty program is to make people feel special. Watch and learn. How would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? The other key is knowing whom to ask. There's minestrone in your eye.

"The person who gets this job must demonstrate a sincere willingness to go down with the ship."

'Is it wrong to accept a loyalty card from more than one supermarket, Father?'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'Welcome - would either of you like to join our Frequent Sinner Programme?'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

"So there I was at the back of the line waiting for my Covid short when I remembered 'Hey, I'm an American express cardmember!'"

Who're you voting for for president, Mort? I'm keeping a totally open mind. Really? Have you ever voted for someone who wasn't from your own party? Of course I have. In 2000, when I lived in Florida. I voted for Pat Buchanan. Accidentally voting for the wrong guy doesn't make you open-minded. Does too.

"Thank you for your participation in our loyalty rewards program!"

Jimmy's not a member of our rewards program.

You cheated on Laurel. With Darlene. What?! You fooled around with Darlene? No. Worse. Much worse. We played Xbox 360. Please tell me that's a filthy term I've never heard of. Hours of video games! I'm a cad!

'First she testifies against me, and now she marries the prosecutor!'