Loyalty Ponderer Gifts

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

'She promised to wait-and I'm afraid she will...'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

The Price of Freedom

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

Surgical Self-Service

"Have you seen my wife?"

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Trump Bird

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Horatio T. Osborn, born 1787, died 1852, greatness thrust upon him 1825.

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

"I'm giving love one more try."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"At this time boarding first will be all first class passengers, a.k.a. the more important people on this flight."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."