Loyalty Ponderer Pillows

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

'She promised to wait-and I'm afraid she will...'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

The Price of Freedom

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"Have you seen my wife?"

Trump Bird

Surgical Self-Service

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

"At this time boarding first will be all first class passengers, a.k.a. the more important people on this flight."

Horatio T. Osborn, born 1787, died 1852, greatness thrust upon him 1825.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Fetching your slippers when you were chairman of the board was one thing, but now that you're an ordinary citizen...'

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"I'm giving love one more try."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

'Don't tell me this nonsense doesn't violate the code of bioethics.'