Loyalist Gifts

Frank and Ernie's Relationship Advice. It's not enough to just accept that relationships are two-way streets ... You must also avoid taking side trips down alleys!

'All he wants is one more chance to prove to you that he can make $750,000 a year.'

Playing Fetch.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Personal Assistants.

Best friends without borders.

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

"Holidays with the family... Boss, I'm so happy to be back again! May I do some unpaid extra hours please?"

Ball and Chain

Replica Football Merchandise

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

'Books that stayed books.'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"As a reward for 25 years of faithful service, here's your new cubical...it's 8% bigger!"

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

Non-metric speak your weight machine

'Uh oh, looks like he had a tough day at the office: Let's jump around to cheer him up...'

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

Snowman about melting snowman: 'Just once I'd like to meet someone who isn't a fair weather friend.'

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

"Money won't make you happy. Real happiness comes from having me as your best friend."

"Are you a platinum card member?"

"It doesn't help matters any when he keeps muttering, 'A good captain goes down with his ship'."

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'