Loyal Employee Gifts

"Yes, and the fact that you've been an outstanding employee for twenty-five years is going to look great on your résumé."

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!

'While we appreciate company loyalty, Larson, you should really be in the hospital.'

Others will fight for you

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

Personal Assistants.

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'We'd like to show you our appreciation of your many years of dedicated service to this company...But first we need to know what your name is and what it is you do around here!'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

"You've been a virtuous employee, Thornhill, and that is it's own reward."

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"Holidays with the family... Boss, I'm so happy to be back again! May I do some unpaid extra hours please?"

Football addict

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"I need for you to go to bat for me again, Tim. And this time, could you do it without adjusting yourself?"

'We're still crazy then ...'

'I want someone who'll not just take the firms line, but the hook and sinker, too.'

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"At least you get to wake up from your nightmares."

"As a reward for 25 years of faithful service, here's your new cubical...it's 8% bigger!"

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

'-and for fifty years undying loyalty to the company...'

'Uh oh, looks like he had a tough day at the office: Let's jump around to cheer him up...'

'Before the meeting starts let's all sing the company song.'

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'