Lovers Of Witty Sayings Gifts

Frying pan tells other utensils: 'So anyway, the Pot called the Kettle black and that's when it really kicked off ...'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'I'm sorry sir, you can't actually have your cake and eat it!'

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Any chance of some credit?"

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Home Business - Wife.

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

'You look lovely today.'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"He's been talking to that cat again!"

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"No offense..."

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

"Phil!"

'I'm afraid the x-rays indicate you're just a bit too full of yourself.'

A moocher borrows a cup of sugar to make a sponge cake.

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

Love may be blind, but her kid brother isn't.

'It's quite nice once your out.'