Lovers Of Witty Commentary Gifts

"I'm not quite sure what the artist is trying to say here!"

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

Jack in the box on strike.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

People want as much government as they deserve.

'You've a broken lamp and your underlay's dangerously worn.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

'Down here, greed is totally unregulated.'

Coping with Normalcy

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

Home Business - Wife.

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

'Give me your bag Oscar, if you want to do the genius gag.'

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'