Lovers Of Wit Gifts

'I'm afraid the x-rays indicate you're just a bit too full of yourself.'

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

"He's been talking to that cat again!"

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

Jack in the box on strike.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Returns"

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

You're Out Of Order

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

Watch Your Step

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"I love you the way the French love Jerry Lewis."

'Need anything today?'

'You've a broken lamp and your underlay's dangerously worn.'

"Just think of it, Charles – yesterday I was a caterpillar, and tomorrow I'll be dead."

G.K. Chesterton.

'Down here, greed is totally unregulated.'

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

Witch crashes into building on her broom and safety airbag deploys.

'Good news, I've just booked our holiday, it's two weeks in a caravan in Wales.'