Lovers Of Witty Sayings T-Shirts

Frying pan tells other utensils: 'So anyway, the Pot called the Kettle black and that's when it really kicked off ...'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

'I'm sorry sir, you can't actually have your cake and eat it!'

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

Home Business - Wife.

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"Any chance of some credit?"

"It's the best work you've ever done. Still pretty awful."

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'You look lovely today.'

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

"He's been talking to that cat again!"

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

You have nothing to fear but fear itself, Al. I realize that, Dr. Kapuchnik. That's why I always have my fear with a side of fries.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

"No offense..."

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

"Phil!"

Fireside Chat with: Recession Man! (A superhero who comes to the aid of gals distressed by tough economic times). It's the middle of summer, Recession Man. So. R. Why are we having a fireside chat? Shouldn't we be somewhere cooler? The dancing flames pick up the light in your eyes. But I'm hot. It's hot in here. Take off your outer layer. Tomorrow: Recession man saves the day.

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

A moocher borrows a cup of sugar to make a sponge cake.

'It's quite nice once your out.'

"I'm not quite sure what the artist is trying to say here!"