Lovers Of Innuendo Gifts

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

End the Winter Blues

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Jack in the box on strike.

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Baseball.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

UFO and snowman

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed