Innuendo Enthusiast Gifts

"I felt the Earth Move!"

'Am I sitting on a flashlight?'

''Stiff shaft', 'long and straight', 'up and in'...I thought you were talking about sex!'

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

Garden Centre - Lies dormant during the winter.

"And I'm not one of those people who likes their literature peppered with innuendo. I like it showered in it."

Let's play hide-the-sausage!

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

At the Museum

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"She's been so creative lately."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Little Doctor meets Little Geneticists.

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.