Lover Of Witty Conversations Pillows

'Withholding sex from men isn't nearly as empowering as critiquing their performance in bed.'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Mom can I have another apple?'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Any chance of some credit?"

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

Home Business - Wife.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

Cylinder Head

'You look lovely today.'

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

I'm told Cuthbert's been building himself quite a legal team over the holiday'

"No offense..."

'And now the other leg!'