Lovers Of Witty Banter Pillows

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'A cheeky red?'

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

A lesson in wit

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Any chance of some credit?"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

Home Business - Wife.

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

"It's the best work you've ever done. Still pretty awful."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

"He's been talking to that cat again!"

"He may be evil, but his breath is like air conditioning."

Snowmen during the Stone Age...

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

"No offense..."

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

You must be this tall to bump head on sign.