Fans Of Witty Banter Pillows

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

"You don't either have a previous engagement!"

'A cheeky red?'

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

A lesson in wit

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"Any chance of some credit?"

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

Home Business - Wife.

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

"No offense..."

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

You must be this tall to bump head on sign.

Your eyes are like ... one limpid pool and one regular eye.

"That is not what I call casual sex, Jennifer...I'm exhausted."